Depressed Part Two

Then, let's talk bout my health shall we? Constantly I am told losing weight will be good for my health but it never seems to be.  I lost 37 lbs and I am now merely "overweight" I have a BMI of 28. I weight 169 and am just 20 lbs from normal weight. You should expect to see some major health improvements right? NOPE.

1. My HS-CRP has been elevated since March. I cannot get it down. It is 3.8. It should be under 1. I suspect this has to do with my dieting because, the only other time this marker was raised on my blood tests was in 2012 when I was on a liquid diet.
2. My cholesterol went CRAZY... again this happened perviously when I was on a liquid diet. Cholesterol was 400 mg/dl. And LDL was 350! Just crazy. I might have been happy if my HDL was increased but it wasn't. In fact, ever since hitting menopause... I have been having trouble getting that up. 
3. My hematologist came along and tested me for MGUS tests right after Dana Farber and they were much worse than Dana Farber.  In fact, my light chain ratio went way up... again. So I cannot really write that off to blood donation. 
4. There is, in fact, very little that I had tested here that actually came out good. A1C  came back at 5.4 which is ok but not what I wanted. Triglycerides ere 93 which again... were ok but not great. 

I am also growing increasingly tried of my doctors. At this point I feel like they are my complete enemy. I have just about had it with Dr. K.  At my last blood tests she ran another test again that I didn't authorize.  (Hepatitis C) When the high cholesterol came back she wanted me to go to a cardiologist... instead of just retesting.. now I have to pay for those retests. I don't want to go to a cardiologist. What is he going to do?  I know, he will just reiterate HER opinion that I should be on statins. Why would I allow that? 

I feel like I don't have a doctor. I feel like I have an "Atrius health" wealth coordinator. This year alone she has subjected me to a colonoscopy... a ct scan... and CAC... and more welfare for "Atrius Health" but I rarely feel like I am getting good medical care. 

Dr. K is no longer local. She is doing my care remotely. That is an obvious problem. But I haven't been able to get an appointment with almost any doctor. They are all booked and pushing me off on "Physician Assistants".

At the same time I am so sick of this whole covid thing. It seems like NOTHING WORKS. First, I am so so so sure I had covid and covid started my MGUS. But I keep testing negative on the antibody test. I find that amazing because I sure haven't been hiding in my house.   I think it is because 1. The first antibody tests available wasn't until about 6 months after I had covid... and 2. I have IGM MGUS which reduces the level of IGG Antibodies. I have about 900 of those.  So if, in general I have an IGG deficiency  couldn't that make it difficult to find the antibodies? Covid has been around for 2 years (since the fall of 2019) and you are telling me I haven't been exposed? 

And of course, Dr. K refuses to allow me to get an antibody test on my insurances' dime because she says they don't work. F** YOU. 

Depressed... Part One.

I haven't posted for a while because I have been well... depressed... 

I am being forced back to my workplace. I knew the day would come but I truly thought that there would be some accounting for the fact that we were basically without any strictures when we were working from home and we were a million times MORE productive. Nope. At every turn the employer is acting just like old times. 

It is just unacceptable.  I have to leave my house at 7 AM and return at 7 Pm. That isn't a life. 

At least 2 hours (or more of my day is spent stuck commuting).

I have no options for reasonable food. As all my food must be consumed outside the home or, I have to bring it with me.. and given an hour and 1/2 commute, that may be a little dangerous.  I had asked if we could telework on the train...so I could work in the building from say 9:30 to 3:30 and use the time on the train to get work done.

Nope... Nope ... Nope.. is all I hear these days. 

We have to return on August 2. We were told there were formulating a Telework policy but, no policy. So I guess I might GET that policy when I retire.  I have tons of leave time but it is impossible to take right now. There is simply no one to cover for me.. I am also not vaccinated.  For my independent thinking I will have to wear a mask all day long.  I do think I will be getting the Novamax vaccine but... that won't be out until October and, I would like sometime to see if it has bad side effects. 

The life I am living right now isn't a great one.